![]() Rehab presented a lot of obstacles to getting my life in order. At 35 years of age, I was just beginning the journey to reconnect, to honor and love my truest self, mini-step by mini-step. I wanted and needed to honor and love ME, my inner self.Īs little babies, we automatically love our truest selves, with no race, religion, gender, or political affiliations involved. Slowly, I was learning I didn’t need to worry about people’s perceptions of me. When people disapproved of me or my actions, I became extremely depressed. I thought I found happiness in other people’s perceptions (i.e. Truth be told, I thought I needed approval. I thought, What about me? Not my family, my friends, or my hair, but what about me? Why am I here anyway?Īnd then the aha moment: honor and love myself. I sobbed hard because I knew I wasn’t dreaming – this stroke happened! This stroke is real. My father told me crying meant I was healing. Then I started to cry, and, oddly enough, my parents were elated. I have never been fired until that day, November 2008, a mere three months after the stroke. Now I understand the nature of business, but still…Yet my sidekicks talked me into muttering a meek “Okay” before we said our goodbyes and and hung up the phone. Three months after my stroke, the supervisors at my job called me to let me know I was going to be fired for medical reasons. Yet, everyone – my family, the man who became my dear friend, all my friends – showed me love and support which filled me with gratitude. Sidekicks in tow, I told myself, “My family is going to be furious at this hiccup in my life…The man I was dating won’t want to be in my presence because I am sick…My friends won’t want to be my friends… MY HAIR IS A MESS.” My prima donna was coming out to complain that my hair was a mess? Seriously? I had a stroke, and I was focused on messy hair. Inside, though, my thoughts were completely out of control. My smile was meant to let people know I’ll get through this situation. My thoughts and my speech were malfunctioning due to the brain injury resulting from the stroke, so I could not say what I wanted to say anyway. On the outside, I smiled or laughed and replied, “Okay,” to send the message everything is okay, when nothing could be further from the truth. Then the stroke happened and, trust me, my sidekicks were right in the circle with me. I can feel it…I am not worthy.” Yep, those old sidekicks of fear, self-doubt, and unworthiness, I masked those thoughts with artificial courage, confidence, and worth. Earlier in my life, a first date, for example, made me think thoughts like, “If he doesn’t like me I will die…I know he’s not that into me. That’s huge for me.įear, self-doubt and unworthiness have been my sidekicks in life long before I had a stroke. The epiphany was (and still is) that I need to honor and love myself before I can truly honor and love those around me. Three months after I had a massive stroke, I experienced an immense aha moment. ![]() Oprah Winfrey describes aha moments as sudden insights in our lives. We all need spiritual awakenings in our lives – aha moments. ![]()
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